The Federal government is using 2.6 million of your tax dollars to fund a study to find out why Chinese prostitutes drink so much. Really. I’m not kidding. I know that $2.6 million is peanuts in the scheme of the federal budget, but it’s not nothing. Nothing, it so turns out, is the appropriate amount for the US government to spend on a study involving drunken Chinese hookers. In fact, as a public service, I am willing to answer the questions that the study was designed to answer for free. Ready… here we go…
I’m pretty sure they drink because they are prostitutes… in China… and as such life kind of stinks. That’s just off the top of my head, but I’m betting that in five years, after the government has dumped $2.6 million into this ‘study’, that is what the results will tell us. Another question in the study – and I again remind you that I am not making this up – why do Chinese prostitutes engage in risky sexual behavior when they’re drunk? The $2.6 million answer will have to wait, but the free answer is: because they’re paid to. They’re prostitutes! In China! I’m thinking that they’re getting drunk because they know they are going to engage in the risky sexual behavior, not the other way around.
A second study, being conducted in Argentina, is researching why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. That’s another $400,000 of your tax dollars at work. What part of ‘drunk’ don’t these researchers understand? And how did they convince Congress to vote for this crap? We are paying for sociologists to try to rationally codify inherently irrational behavior. Three million dollars later we’ll have nothing to show for it, except maybe a request for additional funding.
I want to know who is making up these asinine studies while drunk. Or just how drunk our representatives in Congress were when they approved this nonsense. In fact, maybe I’ll put in a bid to study the knuckleheads who are coming up with these studies and the Congressmen who approve them. I should be able to put the whole thing together for oh, say, $3.2 million.
Argentina is the only place that has gay bars?
Maybe they serve the best cosmopolitans.
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