Van Jones is now officially the “Ex-Green Czar” of the United States of America. Jones resigned today in what may be the snippiest and most ungracious resignation speech ever given.
The White House says that Jones was going to “get in the way” of Benevolent Ruler Obama’s plans. Jones says that he was the target of a “vicious smear campaign”. So, why did ol’ Van get the ax?
The short answer is: the Internet.
The somewhat longer answer is that Jones has a long history of doing the sort of things that most American’s don’t much like, and somebody uncovered and publicized some of those things. Things like identifying himself as a communist – not a popular choice amongst the mainstream.
Jones’ defense: He WAS a communist, but he got better.
The VanMeister also signed a petition supporting the whole “Inside Job” 9/11 conspiracy theory and calling for an investigation into President Bush’s involvement in the worst terrorist attack in American history.
Jones’ defense: He didn’t bother to read the petition, and he didn’t know what it said.
So here’s what we know:
1) Van Jones would be a good name for a tortured, unheralded Jazz musician.
2) Van was at one point in time a communist, but hey, the 1990s were so last century.
3) Van Jones either thinks that the US government staged 9/11 as a pretense for war OR he’s too lazy to read the summary at the top of a petition before he signs it.
Here’s what we don’t know:
1) Whether or not Van Jones plays Jazz.
2) Whether or not Van Jones is currently a communist.
3) Whether or not Van is a subversive or just slothful.
4) What a Green Czar is or why the country would need one.
A little quick research indicates that czar originally was synonymous with “emperor” and the word is derived from “Caesar”. Wikipedia, which is accurate almost 40% of the time, says that czar is a “handy label for anyone with tyrannical tendencies.”
Yeah, I have to say good riddance to the Green Czar. Maybe we can get rid of a few more czars while we’re at it. We don’t need no stinkin’ czars. This is America – we have Secretaries for that sort of thing.