Now that President Obama fired the old boss, I guess that makes him the new CEO of General Motors. Since the federal government has done such a good job of running lean and mean in the past, we certainly can trust that Chairman Obama will have GM producing cheap, fuel efficient, stylish cars at a solid profit in no time, right? The horrifying implications of the government seizing control over private enterprise aside for the moment, I wonder what next year’s Cadillac will look like? As I’ve noted in a previous post, the president has not asked me to be one of his official advisors (yet) so I don’t have access to his plans, but I think they probably look something like this:
The Presidential Plans for the 2011 Cadillac
Seating: Since we’re being so all-inclusive these days, I’m thinking it must have a REALLY big back seat. Then again, it would be unfair to relegate anyone to the back seat, so maybe it will just have one big front seat.
Colors: According to a statistic that I just made up, a shocking 62 percent of GM vehicles are white, which is completely unacceptable. We need to have more brown, red, and yellow vehicles out by next year. And let us not forget about the pink or rainbow colored cars.
Logo / Hood Ornament: Surely, if the presidential seal of the United States of America was not good enough for him, the existing Cadillac logo simply won’t do for the Carmaker-in-Chief. We’ll need a new one. Preferably something with flowers, rainbows, and maybe a puppy.
Other Features: In accordance with CEO Obama’s directives, all GM vehicles will have their alignments set so that they constantly veer to the left.
Cost: In order to redistribute the nation’s wealth and ensure that UAW Union members continue to be paid forty times the salary of their counterparts overseas, we will have to implement a tiered-pricing scheme. Higher income individuals will be charged $264,918.39 for the basic model. The underprivileged (you know who I’m talking about) will receive a free car plus coupons good for free gas for a year.
