South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admitted this week that he has been carrying on an extramarital affair. That was the second most shocking thing that he admitted, the first being that he ditched the responsibilities of his office and his family to spend a week with his floozy… ahem, mistress in South America.
Sanford, the Chief Executive Officer of the proud state of South Carolina (I believe their state motto is: The War isn’t over; we can still win this thing) ran away from home for a week without telling anyone. His office came up with the brilliant cover story that he went hiking, alone, in the woods for a week.
Now, caught in the web of his lies and betrayals, he came up with this gem of a defense: King David did it, too. That’s right, God’s favorite king, who ruled Israel 3,000 years ago, had a fling with a hottie he spied bathing on a roof (no word on how Sanford met his mistress, whose name is reportedly Maria, but I’m sure she’d look fine doing a little moonlight rooftop bathing).
I don’t know about you, but I now feel that his actions are totally justified and that he remains a qualified, strong leader. After all, the argument goes, if God didn’t feel the need to impeach David after he diddled Bathsheba and had her husband killed, who are we to judge Sanford? By Governor Sanford’s measure, we should be giving him a medal of honor for not having anyone killed to cover up his affair. What a guy!
Time to give it up, Governor. You’re a Republican. You can’t get away with this sort of thing. Your conservative constituents care about this sort of behavior, and the Democrats are going to hate you no matter what you do, as long as there is a little ‘R’ in parentheses next to your name.
Nice try, quoting the Bible and all. But you’re screwed on this one. The only way out of this would be if some guy who used to be a pop star dies and the national media spend 24/7 covering that story, letting you drop off the grid. Like that will really happen…