Yes, instead of focusing on the economy or the deficit or the common defense or social issues or unemployment, both the Obama and Romney campaigns spent the last week in a silly Twitter / Media war trying to argue exactly that question. *

Young Barry Obama ate dog meat while living in Kenya. As absolutely disgusting as that is to my dog-loving American sensibilities, it doesn’t engender much outrage to me because he was a small child living in a foreign land 40 years ago. Much less acceptable is that grown-up Chicago-based Obama chose a one word parenthetical to describe the experience of eating canine flesh – “tough”. Not “repulsive” or “I’m haunted by it to this day”. Just “tough”.

Mitt Romney, on the other hand, transported the family dog on the roof of his car in the early 1980’s. The poor pooch was so terrified he peed on the roof of the car. End of story.

Neither story amounts to anything. Romney’s canine transportation choices during Ronald Reagan’s first term doesn’t necessarily indicate an endemic lack of empathy. Obama’s canine cuisine during the first Richard Nixon administration doesn’t make him …  anything at all.

This whole manufactured controversy is just another example of politics run amok. There’s nothing substantive to either story.

WINNERS:
Dogs
Not the specific dogs transported by Romney or eaten by Obama, mind you. But dogs in general got a whole lot of sympathy this week. No matter which side of the political spectrum you’re on, chances are you gave Man’s Best Friend a little extra love this week.

LOSERS:
Obama’s Campaign Staff
Obama’s staffers came off like a bunch of petulant jerks who care nothing about the actual wants or needs of the American people and would say or do anything to frame his opponent in a bad light without a shred of a legitimate reason.

Romney’s Campaign Staff
Romney’s staffers came off like a bunch of petulant jerks who care nothing about the actual wants or needs of the American people and would say or do anything to frame his opponent in a bad light without a shred of a legitimate reason.

*Yes, I do see the irony in using a national column to focus on three- and four-decade-old dog stories at the expense of the economy and the deficit and the common defense and social issues and unemployment while decrying the politicians for focusing on three- and four-decade-old dog stories at the expense of the economy and the deficit and the common defense and social issues and unemployment. It’s creative license.

WINNERS:

Mitt Romney

It isn’t officially official, but it’s getting pretty close.  Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee in the fall.  Now, if someone would just get the memo to Rick Santorum we could close the book on an especially ugly primary and move on to the main event.

Pope Benedict XVI 

Easter Sunday provides a nice window of relevance for the Pope each year.  Pope Benedict XVI took full advantage of the attention by making some very clear and forceful declarations.  Sunday’s message capped a good week of public appearances for the Pope.

LOSERS:

Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann lost his job last week.  This week, he lost any remaining dignity when he sued Current TV for breach of contract.  Apparently Olbermann thought that his contract entitled him to reap massive amounts of money while refusing to comply with the even the most basic principles of the employer-employee relationship, like showing up for work.  Olbermann insists he was fired for no good reason.  Current TV, on the other hand, says it was because of “serial, material breaches of his contract, including the failure to show up at work, sabotaging the network and attacking Current and its executives.”  Now Olbermann and his legal team are setting up a very public battle between Olbermann, a one-percenter if there ever was one, and his  even-richer-than-he-is former bosses.

 The People of Sanford, FL

One person shot one other person.  It’s tragic, but it happens every day.  Depending on whom you believe, either Trayvon Martin was a punk who attacked an innocent George Zimmerman who acted in self defense or Martin was an innocent kid who was mercilessly murdered by a vigilante.  I have my opinion, you have yours.  But we weren’t there and we don’t know exactly what happened.  No matter what the details, a young boy is dead and a man’s life is ruined.  There’s no good outcome of the situation.  One thing that is for sure — angry mobs, vigilante patrols, and an out-of-control media frenzy aren’t helping the citizens of Sanford to move past this sad situation.

Hugo Chavez

Dictator and all-around bad guy Hugo Chavez wept and called upon Jesus to spare his life on Easter Sunday.  If prayer is truly the last refuge of a scoundrel, then Chavez must already have burned up every other option available to him.  Looks like, barring a miraculous intervention, time is getting short for Chavez.

 NBC News

Yeah, we believe that the selective editing of the George Zimmerman 911 call was just an accident.  Completely innocent and coincidental that it wound up generating an exclusive bombshell for the network.  Why are we pretending that this was anything other than a ratings grab?  Shame on NBC.  Another black eye for Big Media.

Thus, I admit it is difficult not to feel a certain satisfaction when such people get theirs, at long last.  Herein, I shall discuss one such incident from last week — emulating the distinctive style of the person in question.

The person in question, of course, is Keith Olbermann — Leftist icon well known for helping define the decidedly leftist spin of MSNBC, and notoriously noted for a decidedly diminutive quantity of politesse and etiquette.

To wit, his words regarding Michele Malkin—and I quote: “A mindless, morally bankrupt, fascistic bag of meat with lipstick on it.”  Further, regarding S.E. Cupp, he labeled her a living example of the need for Planned Parenthood.  I admit, I always find it fascinating, how able the likes of Olbermann have been to be so essentially exonerated by a lenient Left that fails to be so lenient when far milder mannerisms are muttered by those on the Right.

But misogyny’s not the limit of his shameless shower of raining rants.  In a declaration so demented as to invoke the belittling bewilderment of Jon Stewart, Keith Olbermann had the acrimonious audacity to refer to now-Senator Scott Brown as, and I quote, a “tea-bagging supporter of violence against women and against politicians with whom he disagrees.”

In short, in Keith Olbermann, we find a persistently permanent pattern of profane, puerile, and plentifully pompous pontification and proclamation — a whining weasel, who spends his daily life wrangling and wondering what collections of chaotic confrontations and conflagrations he can conflate upon those who fail to conform to his collective concepts.  Were he a Conservative, he would be completely condemned throughout all media circles — and, indeed, rightfully so.  And yet, the sort of rhetoric so self-righteously stated by this … big joke — is dismissively overlooked by those same whining watchdogs, on the grounds that he allegedly “speaks truth to power” — an excuse never allowed for the likes of Michael Savage.

Well, Keith Olbermann, at last your game is up.  Strike one — your suspension from MSNBC, for financial fumblings regarding support for congressional candidates.  Strike two — your subsequent firing from said network.  And strike three — your firing this past week from Current TV, for a lack of patience and politeness, an insoluble insubordination — and indeed, your decided lack of decency, sir, at long last.

Frankly, sir … the fact that even a channel specifically created by Al Gore to be a refuge for otherwise laid-off Leftist larks could not contain you for an extended period of time — such, sir, speaks volumes about what final judgment media historians shall impose.  Indeed, my sole regret upon hearing this news of your all-too-timely professional demise is that it was simply due to matters of personal character, as opposed to professional integrity.

And sir, if you have ANY desire at all to NOT have the day of your final firing celebrated as a national HOLIDAY amongst the increasingly vast empire of the New Media — as a momentous victory in the battle to restore honor and decency in the world of news and analysis … THIS LAST PIECE OF ADVICE, Mr. Olbermann, sir:

When somebody ASKS you, sir, about your disgraceful attacks on the Tea Party —

When somebody ASKS you, sir, about the many military families who support their loved ones, respecting their sacrifices — instead of bashing former President Bush for his…“GOLF GAME”—

When somebody ASKS you, sir, about your bravely bringing onto your show ONLY people with whom you agree —

When somebody ASKS you, sir, about your … SELFLESS promise to … TONE DOWN THE RHETORIC, in the name of Gabrielle Giffords — only to resume said salivations, so as to smear and skewer S.E. Cupp —

When somebody ASKS you, sir, about your abject hypocrisy — your general shamelessness — your constant self-righteous contempt for the mere mortals of the masses, all while purporting to be their VALIANT defender —

THIS ADVICE, MR. OLBERMANN, SIR:

SHUT…THE HECK…UP!!!

Good night and good luck….

There—I said it.  Sue me.

Okay…in all seriousness, it happens every December: one of the most pathetic and sorry examples of Political Correctness out there.  I’m referring, of course, to the effort to suppress Christmas in the public square—to the point of not even saying “the C word”.

When I was younger, we were worried about “X-mas”.  Now…“X-mas” is technically much ado about nothing.  Its roots are pretty interesting: see, as it turns out, the “X” isn’t really an “X”.  It’s actually a Greek “chi”…which was often used by ancient Christians as shorthand for “Christ”.  (“Chi” is the Greek for “ch”….)  So…it’s perfectly okay.  I mean, at least people read it aloud as “Christmas” (for the most part).

Nowadays, we have to deal with “Happy Holidays!”

To be clear: there is absolutely nothing wrong with “Happy Holidays!” in and of itself.  It’s the secular-progressive oddball who makes it a point to drop “holiday” instead of “Christmas” that makes it so cringe-worthy.  “I’m going home for the holiday.”  “Have a good holiday.”  “We’re having a holiday gift exchange.”  And here’s my favorite: “We’re setting up the holiday tree.”

I’m sure you’ve heard by now of the Governor of Rhode Island who made it a point to set up a “holiday tree”, not a Christmas tree.  Despite the outcry, he’s holding firm, asserting that he’s being “tolerant”.  Fox News’ Jesse Waters caught up with him…and at first the governor tried to explain himself.  But when Jesse asked, “So…what’s the holiday?”—he ran off.

A few years ago, Disney had a cartoon called Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.  An awesome show, based on a classic character.  Except the Christmas episode wasn’t a Christmas episode.  It had Santa, the elves, the presents, the snow—everything but the word “Christmas”.  Instead, it dropped “holiday” to the point of parody.

Now, in theory, “Happy Holidays!” is supposed to cover all the bases: Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Three King’s Day, Ramadan, New Year’s Eve…and maybe Boxing Day.  Still…the tree, St. Nick, the elves, the eggnog, the wreath, the lights, the presents—they’re all things traditionally associated with one holiday, in particular: Christmas.  And…as Glenn Beck noted, heaven forbid (religious invocation!) our culture starts calling the Menorah…a “holiday” candelabra!

Next, here’s my favorite euphemism for Christmas: “Season’s Greetings!”  First time I saw that on a card, I just scratched my head, and thought, “Okay…that’s weird.”  It doesn’t even sound right…it’s like something that belongs in a tongue twister.  Fortunately, you only see this on “official”, professional stuff—you know, things that aren’t really supposed to be “cheery”.

But the winner for “Most Pathetic ‘Christmas’ Euphemism Ever” goes to…“Winter Solstice”.  Atheists love dropping that.  And in case you’re wondering, it’s not via cheerful greetings—no “Happy Winter Solstice!” or “Have a good Winter Solstice!”  Nope…here’s what the atheists have:

“At this season of the winter solstice, may reason prevail.  There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.  There is only our natural world.  Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

Feel the warmth, people.

Anyway, these chronic Scrooges have an annoying tendency to self-righteously display this glorified “Bah, humbug!” next to public Nativity scenes.  Of course…you never hear of them setting up, near a Santa-and-sleigh, a plaque reading: “There is no Santa Claus and Reindeer don’t fly!  Santa Claus is but myth and superstition that keeps children from thinking critically about objective reality.”

Nope.  Instead, they go after faith—constantly accusing it of “hardening hearts”.  Inasmuch as the typical atheist spokesman is a smug, obnoxious brat who rants and whines whenever he’s challenged…that’s a pretty amusing accusation to make.  And of course…there’s the plaque, in the first place.  What are they trying to do—announce to the world how militant and childish they are?

They won’t even say “Happy Holidays!”

(By the way…I know Canada has a “Winter Solstice” festival.  They’re welcome to it—they’re nice folks, over there; the intent’s probably different.)

You get the idea.  Look, I don’t know about you…but I’ll keep my Christmas—as Christmas.  Call me “intolerant”—but I like what I like.

So, Merry Christmas, everyone—and a Happy New Year!

The Winners Who Wowed us and the Losers who Left us Lacking this week:

Winners:
Mitt’s Mighty Message
Mitt Romney was the front runner for the Republican Presidential nomination for a while in 2008, but eventually his Washington-outsider credentials failed him. Romney’s 2012 campaign has been low-key until now, quietly getting the job done. But he stepped back into the spotlight in Thursday’s Republican Presidential Debate. Romney gave the performance of the night and came across as presidential (as opposed to, say, Tim Pawlenty, who was just whiny and combative). Can Republicans across the fruited plain dare to start dreaming of a Romney-Bachmann ticket?

Paul’s Prestigious Polling
Ron Paul must be riding high these days. I’m sure it feels nice to have your name listed among the most popular and likely candidates for the Republican Presidential nomination. The latest Rasmussen Reports poll  (before the debate) has Paul in third place among likely Iowa Caucus voters and first among those who consider themselves “absolutely certain” as to which candidate they will support. It won’t last, of course. Enjoy it while you can, Congressman Paul.

Losers:
Desperate Defensive Democrats in Despair
The Democratic Party loyalists would never let a good crisis go to waste. So they have mobilized to spin the Standard and Poor downgrade with far more vigor than they spent trying to avoid it. Their current tactic is to simultaneously argue that Standard & Poor is a useless, vindictive organization that had no reason to downgrade the US other than poor math skills and that Standard & Poor was right to downgrade the US because the Tea Partiers are such irresponsible knuckleheads. Even the most fickle electorate can see through this new low in finger-pointing desperation.

Prosperous Public Pensioners
Three hundred and twenty-nine retired California public officials will have their overly-generous pensions reduced as a result of an audit conducted by the state retirement system this week. The main reason seems to be employers who overstated the employees’ income in order to boost the retirement benefit – up to $500,000 per year.

Downtown Detroit Departures
Detroit has 25% fewer residents than it had ten years ago. Now those who remained in the city have 25% fewer representatives in state government, too, thanks to redistricting triggered by the 2010 census. Insult + Injury = Detroit.

Winners:

Foxconn Technology Employees – The 12 year old kids and impoverished grandmas in Taiwan who work for $.08 an hour to make your iPods, iPhones, and iPads have a seriously high rate of suicide – go figure. Foxconn, their employer, has thoughtfully provided a solution. They’re going to replace their whiny, strike-prone employees with robots. Now the workers won’t be so frustrated with their jobs that they’ll want to kill themselves… because they’ll be completely unemployed and preoccupied with not starving to death. There’s nothing quite so eloquent as the Taiwanese idea of a win-win solution.

Losers:
Satan – Nancy Pelosi called the default-saving debt deal a “Satan sandwich with Satan fries on the side”. Given the choice, I think most Americans would take the sandwich. At least you could cover up the devil taste with enough mayonnaise. For the first time in world history, a comparison has been made to Lucifer that is unfair to the Prince of Evil himself. Interestingly enough, when reached for comment in Hell, Satan called the deal a “Pelosi Sandwich with extra Pelosi sauce”.

Joe Biden – Joe Biden may or may not have referred to Tea Partiers as ‘terrorists’. The alleged comment came in a closed door meeting of Democrats, which means that someone within his own party is the source of the leak that has the Joe in hot water. The Vice President’s office first “no commented” then sort-of-but-not-quite-denied it. Now VP Biden is in the unenviable position of sitting in the cross hairs of Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. Funny thing, no one disputes that Pennsylvania Representative Mike Doyle used the T-word to describe the Tea Party during the same meeting, but no one seems to care. I’m not sure if that makes Doyle a political winner for avoiding the flack or a loser for being irrelevant.

Winners:
Apple – It was widely reported this week that Apple Computers has $76.2 Billion in cash and cash equivalents while the United States Treasury (pictured) has just $73.8 Billion cash on hand. When you’ve got more money than the U.S. Government, you’re doing all right. Or the U.S. Government is doing really, really bad. Let’s be optimistic and say that Apple is doing well.

Hugo Chavez – Venezuela‘s president turned 57 this week and vowed to maintain his control over the country for another two decades. Pretty feisty for a man with cancer whose main hobby is taunting the most powerful nation on earth.

The Philadelphia Eagles – OK, this belongs on our sports site, not here, but man did my Eagles score big in free agency this week.

Losers:
President Obama – Barack Obama lost this week – lost thousands of Twitter followers, that is. His re-election campaign staff so overused his Twitter account this week that even loyal Democrats got fed up with it. There’s only so many ways to say “Me good, Republicans bad” in 140 characters or less.

The Good Citizens of the United States of America – As the US Government inches ever closer to default, We the People are being led down the path to higher interest rates.

The Gang of Six – This bipartisan group just recently looked like the solution to the budget impasse that is crippling the federal government. Now they look no more influential than any random six members you pick from congress.

Winners:
Boneheaded Politicians – This was a good week to be a typical bonehead in politics. With 23.75 hours a day devoted to coverage of the Casey Anthony trial, politicians could get away with anything short of shooting up a McDonald’s with a machine gun this week.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn – Did he do it? I don’t know, but he’s a free man this week. I guess the moral of the story is if you are going to be a lecherous lout, choose an unreliable nut-job as your victim.

The Dalai Lama – Unlike his last visit to the US, the Dalai Lama is getting a nice welcome this time around.

Losers:
Barbara Boxer - Her sad little revisionist history speech was rejected by all but her most ardent supporters, and there aren’t as many of them as there used to be. She wasn’t alone in playing the “blame it on the other guy” game by any stretch - President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner were two very visible contestants this week. But Boxer’s peculiar spin was just the most egregious. The general public has lost the stomach for the infighting and finger pointing at a time when the government is on the precipice of a historic and humiliating failure.

The FAA – The FAA had the audacity to treat 124-year-old Republican Senator and amateur pilot James Inhofe like a mere mortal bound by the same rules as the rest of us. As a result, Inhofe has introduced a bill limiting the FAA’s oversight over pilots in a variety of ways that mean nothing to the 99.99% of us who don’t have pilot’s licenses, but managed to take up valuable time on the Senate floor – time that could have been used to, oh, I don’t know, come up with a plan to responsibly raise the debt ceiling and reduce the deficit.

Losers:
Rod Blagojevich – Two is not Blago’s lucky number. His second trial ended with him becoming the second former Illinois Governor in the last 5 years to be convicted and imprisoned. Maybe he and fellow disgraced former Governor George Ryan can share a cell.

Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer – Dyer’s decision to lump humanitarians handing out food to the homeless – without a permit (GASP) – in with Osama Bin Laden and the Unibomber has aroused the ire of “Anonymous,” a mysterious group of hackers. Anonymous has now set its disruptive sights on Orlando, which probably means that Disney soon takes a hit. If that’s the case, Dyer is soon going to learn a valuable lesson in Central Florida politics: “If Disney ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

Winners:
The People of Iowa – Regardless of your politics, if you’re a resident of Iowa you’re being showered with attention from the 2012 candidates right now. Memo from the other 49 states: it must be nice to feel wanted.

Michele Bachmann – I’m still not on the Bachmann bandwagon, but there’s no doubt that she is riding a political high right now. Even as the press turns less friendly to her, she’s rising in the polls and garnering a significant following that will result in a political windfall in one form or another down the road.

Mormons – Harry Reid, Mitt Romney, and now Jon Huntsman are all in the news this week in a largely positive, or at least neutral, light. When the word “Mormon” repeatedly appears in the news without the words “polygamy” or “cult” anywhere in sight, it’s a good week for them. Plus, two of the three have the potential to move up in the world of politics in the coming months and years.

Bristol Palin – The 20-year-old, initially famous only for being the pregnant, unwed daughter of a Vice Presidential candidate, has done quite well for herself recently. She finished third on Dancing with the Stars, despite the fact that she can’t dance. Now she can add “Best Selling Author” to her resume, despite having no previous writing credits to her name or compelling story to tell.

President Barack Obama

“Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.” (Applause.) [Applause.] {We’re not rude. He is the President of the United States of America, after all.}

“It is wonderful to see all of you. I’ve got a lot of friends in the room here. People who knew me before anybody could pronounce my name.” (Laughter.) [Polite chuckle.]

“People who knew me before I had gray hair.”(Laughter.) [Strained polite chuckles.] {We didn’t elect you Comedian-in-Chief. Get on with it.}

“We had to save an auto industry. I never expected to be a automobile executive.” (Laughter.) [Glaring.]

“Over the last 15 months we’ve created over 2.1 million private sector jobs.” (Laughter.) [A different, more cynical kind of laughter.] {Why did the Dems laugh at this line? Is Obama’s voodoo math an inside joke to them?}

“We are saying to schools…” {really long run-on sentence here} “…make sure that every single one of our young people are equipped to compete in a 21st-century economy.” (Applause.) [Applause.]

A lengthy speech about all Obama’s great achievements in two and a half years drew no discernable reaction from the DNC Crowd, until…

“And that {continuing the greatness that was his first 30 months in office} may be a little bit of challenge — because, let’s face it, back in 2008, I was new. (Laughter.) [Stony silence.]

Now I’m gray. (Laughter.) [Scattered polite chuckle.] {You said that already. If you’re going to do standup, at least keep it fresh.}

The old posters are all faded. (Laughter.) People make fun of hope and change. [Laughter and mocking calls of “Hope and change”.]
And some folks have said, well, change didn’t happen as fast as I wanted, or it’s not exactly as I expected, or why can’t he just change the minds of all those Republicans. (Laughter.) [Scattered booing.]

“And so if you’re willing to join with me in what will be my last campaign…” (laughter) [Wild, uproarious applause that continue on for several moments]

“So, thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. Thank you.” (Applause.) [Applause.]